Request

I just hope that i won’t regret for life

I want to get used to it as fast as possible

I don’t want to feel stressed out everyday

I just want a stable life

I want to grow

I understand that’s the challege

Maybe I just want someone to have my back all the time

In the end

I just want to make sure I didn’t make the wrong decision .

Tremor

i have a feeling

like i have been jailed in a box

it’s called perfectionism

at least in terms of anxiety

i cannot freely be me

i cannot understand the paradox of it

the irony behind

because

i am always in fear

in fear of

being too straightforward

being too insensitive

being too sensitive

being too attention seeking

being too annoying

being too clingy

being too loud

being too crazy

being unhelpful

being reckless

hurting people

hurting myself

offending people

troubling people

troubling myself

not being the best of me

hated by others

not being appreciated enough

not grateful enough

not good enough

as friend

as lover

as family

as a human

 

 

 

Gratitude , Or not

After so many years

I am still giving people around me whatever I can provide with

I’m trying the best I can

to show love and care for those I love

I couldn’t stop the rumors

saying I’m fake, seeking for attention

but what I want is just some recognition from those I love

 

All I got is either

‘ You don’t know me, you are not working yet’

‘ You are just too sensitive, no one is like you’

‘ You are too naive, the world doesn’t work like that’

‘ You are so fake, you do it with your own intention’

‘ You want to be popular so much, you’re so annoying’

or even worse

without any reply

either blue ticking me

hanging me there without any ending for the conversation

 

 

I guess the main problem is that

I cannot stop myself from helping

and I cannot help myself from caring the others

Maybe the help I provide will never be enough

Because not everyone will accept my way of helping

 

So …

is it unfair for me to ask for return ?

is it unfair for me to say that I’m actually lonely ?

Perhaps that’s just my life

Being a slave ? in all relationship

 

Even a slave longs for love too right ?

 

 

 

Mirage

Smiles

Happy faces

Loud

Rainbow

and that’s what being projected on the outside

 

Thoughts

Worries

Anxiety

Perfectionism

and they are the filters of the projection

 

In truth

There’s just plain raindrops

Washing the monochromic decays

into the deep wells

 

 

Truth behind the Fiction

You changed my life

You introduced the beauty of books and music to me

These have enriched my life so much

Percy Jackson and Marked

Demi , Kelly , Pink and Sara

You spent your time with me

You are willing to do so

and I’m one of the lucky few

 

I am grateful yet I feel guilty

I’d made too much mistakes that until now still make me feel petty

I’d always regretted right after the second I said or did something to you

I apologize sincerely

whether you remember them or not , I will always remember them

 

You’re one of the few that have had impacted my life so much

in a good way

that I will forever be grateful

 

No one is perfect

and I hope you will not be so hard on yourself because

You are always beautiful inside out

Don’t you dare forget that

 

 

Time proved that I’d beaten all the boys you’d been seeing

Guess you’ll have to stick with me longer than them

for now

D Parallel Universe

How I wish it was like it used to be

But I believe I’m forever non-existent

 

I miss the voice

I miss the feelings

I miss the anticipation

I miss acting annoyed

I miss everything

 

Especially now

when I’m all alone

 

I always wonder is it a miss

is it my fault

But what’s done is done

 

 

如果 迴旋在五次元的天際

我要找你 要找到你

溫柔 傾聽著銀河系的呼吸

平行時空 要在一起

 

Repent

I guess for the past 2 years , a lot had happened.

And during these days

Long time of quarantine

There is even more time to think

to observe

how people think , behave

different personalities , personas

Some may think I’m ignorant for not being full on conscious regarding the current issues

and yea I admit

I think I’m not mature enough

or maybe I am just escaping the truth and cruelty of the society

but , from what has been happening

and what had happened

I just can’t have full confidence in the current humanity

and I just hope that one day

everyone can wake up and think

can be less selfless

show more love

to those especially who need it

be it a small action

 

A New Perspective

I’ve been drowning myself with thoughts

Negative ones

I feel so helpless

I don’t know how to end it

End all of them

I don’t want to s

New Chance

I’ve been given many chances

to redeem what I’d done wrong

Once

and twice

and thrice

 

and Love hasn’t let me down

Now I’m a new person

I don’t hold on to many things anymore

 

I just want a simple life

 

and I will try more

to get that

 

Simplicity

taking turn to fall in and out of love

changes occurring in life

and surprises

in between

 

changes were made

choice were made

mistakes were done

thoughts were corrupted

 

and

in the end

 

it’s just simplicity

 

all i ever wanted